OLD LISTON FICTION
Home of the Old Liston Tales by Mark and Simon Jackman and the travel diaries of Mickey Mass.
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THE MASS AND PEAHEAD ROAD TRIP DIARIES
Mass and Peahead are childhood friends who discovered the joys of an American road trip back in 1998 when, having both recently graduated from university and without employment, they decided that rather than get a job they would jump on a plane and fly to Los Angeles instead.
They hired a car and travelled extensively through California, Arizona and Nevada for a month until their money ran out, but the freedom of the open road, the incredible scenery and the people they met left a lasting impression on both of them.
These days Mass is self employed and lives in South Wales and Peahead is an IT Professional from Somerset. Mass has a love of classic rock, planes and making out with old women. Peahead has little time for classic rock and planes, and old women barely give him the time of day. They do share some things in common though: their mutual distrust of American beer, American cars, American pool tables and American sports.
It’s this common ground that has kept them returning though, perhaps searching for that elusive good beer or the possibility of meeting someone who can actually give them a half decent game of pool. Deep down they know neither of these things is likely, but America still holds an appeal that they just can’t shake.
If you are American or easily offended, you probably won't like these diaries. If you are American AND easily offended, then I guess we have a problem...
MASS AND PEAHEAD - THE COLLECTION
The Collection brings together Mass and Peahead's 2008, 2009 and 2010 road trips, during which they covered around 10,000 miles and visited 13 states.
"Everyone is eager to see which unbelievably cool dudes have just cruised into town. Eyes widen in surprise as people realise who’s in the vehicle: Look, it’s two ugly, pasty British guys. One’s a lanky twat and the other is some sort of mildly overweight goblin."
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"It had been another long day of driving, but good things come to those who wait and we managed to book a room in a Motel 6. Even better, the guy on reception looked like a 14 year old girl and had an awesome wispy bum-fluff moustache. He was called Derek and was definitely the kind of kid who would have no hesitation in shooting up a high school."
From Mass and Peahead Do America 2008 (A road trip through Massachusetts, New York, New Hampshire, Vermont and Maine)
"We drove into town with the sun setting, both rather tired, where we found a room just 2 blocks away from downtown in a place that stank of sewage, and at a cost of only $104 for the night! With a price and a smell like that, we knew the Rodeway Inn was the place for us."
From Mass and Peahead Do America 2009 (A road trip through Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, Utah and Wyoming)
"You’re British? Fuck off! No way! Talk to me!"
"What do you want us to say?"
"Anything, man! This is fucking sick!"
Dan was everything that you expect from a small-town American. He was 6”4’ of loudness and ignorance with a head at one end and an arsehole at the other. If he hadn't been wearing a baseball cap, it would have been difficult to know which end was which. The guy was a complete dick.
From Mass and Peahead Do America 2010 (A road trip through California, Oregon, Washington and Nevada)
MASS AND PEAHEAD'S NEW ZEALAND ODYSSEY
A road trip through New Zealand
"The rear seats of the vehicle had been folded down to accommodate a mattress in the back, along with a pillow and duvet. Not only that, but the previous owner had fitted the car with curtains – complete with little red fabric curtain ties – to give the sleeping area complete privacy. It was like a mobile brothel, and for that reason alone, I was delighted to hand over the $2,200 asking price to purchase the car. It was just a shame that I couldn’t pay more."
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