OLD LISTON FICTION
Home of the Old Liston Tales by Mark and Simon Jackman and the travel diaries of Mickey Mass.
Funny books you can't live without!
THE CHARACTERS
Old Liston is a place that is full of bizarre and curious characters. Here are some of them:
GEOFF SMITH
The imposing Chief of Old Liston Police, Smith claims to be a Native American hailing from Arizona, although these claims are unsubstantiated despite owning a colourful headdress and a pair of lucky buffalo testicles.
XAVIER TAYLOR
As the only midget in the police force, Taylor feels he always has to work extra hard to earn respect. He has a real soft spot for lettuce, which is always likely to get him into trouble.
MERLIN THOMAS
Every book needs a wizard. This one lives in someone else’s garden and steals from the supermarket.
'GENERAL' ALF CHABLIS
Often found relaxing in his garden, listening to the clipped beats of Jay-Z on his brutally powerful stereo, Chablis is seventy-eight years old and lives with his faithful companion, a dog called Mr. Snappypants.
THE END
The joyless former head of the fire department spends much of his time drinking in the local pub and bedding the middle-aged women of the town. His only real joy in life comes from blackberry picking.
LUTHER PENDRAGON
The town’s resident inventor, Pendragon is an eccentric genius who is often derided for ‘hanging out’ with a badger. The quality of his inventions varies wildly, as does his choice of clothes.
TOBY
Luther Pendragon’s well-dressed sidekick is a mischievous badger with one eye on the ladies and the other eye on trouble.
MIKE BOYCOTT
Mike is the landlord of the only pub in town. He suffers from ill health and financial insecurity, but is always on hand to dish out advice that no one wants to listen to.
PAUL TOOK
Paul works for the council and lives in a house full of porn memorabilia. He has the unique ability to recognise any porn star from their pant beard alone.
TRACEY BIRD
Known to her friends as ‘The Harbour’, Tracey will have a drunken fumble with anyone she picks up after a few tequilas. She draws the line at dead people, unless they are particularly cute.
PAUL BRIGGS
Paul Briggs has been named Businessman of the Year three times. He lives with his two sons and has overcome such severe adversity as the death of his wife, investment in wooden socks and being ginger.
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